Where A Variable Man, Cú Chulainn and Roxie Hart meet

Back in Dublin, my 'chronotype' led me to my desk early in the morning. Smell of silence and herbal tea kickstarted the stream of reflections.

THINK. I often find myself pondering questions of creative work, authenticity, imagination and leaving a legacy. Legacy is a funny one. Possibly a mild manifestation of a midlife crisis, in my view it brings the concept of opportunity cost to a zone where basic economic terms rarely apply. Choosing what to keep one's mind busy with is always equally saying 'no' to many other options. The time is finite and the world is full of stories never made.  

I was thrilled to find a podcast series capturing that exactly. Authored by Malcolm Gladwell, whose early books 'The Tipping Point', 'Blink' or 'Outliers' made a lasting impression on me, the series explores stories of movies that... never got made. 'Development Hell' is a journey through challenges of creation, and, often painful, lessons learnt underway.

An episode that resonated with me the most was the one about 'The Variable Man'. Not only has it been based on the 1953' novel from one of the most intriguing science-fiction writers, Philip K. Dick, but also it delved into themes of possible futures, reliance on technology and... being different. The novel tells a story of a world where computers are proficient at making all decisions on behalf of humans, essentially knowing their thoughts and feelings better than humans themselves. No mistakes, nothing is hidden from their calculus. And on one day, machines become aware of a seemingly unavoidable humanity self-destruction event. The is no scenario where it can be prevented.

The solution is to confront the AI with a human being for whom machines have no datapoints... a man from the past before their existence. Unpredictable, unseen, out of radius. A variable yearning to be solved. This all does feel so familiar, doesn't it? Existential questions posed 70 years ago in the novel, now resonate more than ever. Algorithms dictate what we scroll on our screens, what we might intend to buy, what political messaging would trigger emotional reaction, which movie show would we binge watch on our sofas. Not a catastrophic event yet or...?

My position on the AI revolution is balanced. Not an existential threat, but not a panacea for all of humanity's issues. Blindly falling for its promises shifts power to those who draft the backbone of these algorithms. With business models, dressed as benign, hyper-helpful assistants in our ears, one might need a counter-balance of a never-seen variable. A force from another dimension.

FEEL. Reconnecting with my son after being away for a couple of weeks, I had a proud parent moment. It all started from me noticing a new book on his nightstand. An hour later, we were both lying on the carpet with a few other publications, tracing similarities and seeking connections between Irish mythical character(such as Cú Chulainn) and that of other cultures - Nordic, Greek or Slavic. I was blown away by the amount of detail Adam was able to memorize from all these stories, but also how we could talk about seemingly universal archetypes and trails, weaved into regional narratives. Supernatural, godly and sometimes creepy, they were also utterly humane.

My other, 'theatre kid', that I travelled with was open to share her experiences from a Live Action Role Playing summer camp in the mountains of Southern Poland. Immersed in imaginary settings and scenarios, she practiced thinking on her feet, expressing emotions and reaching within to draw from depths of self-confidence, creativity and joy. I could not recommend it more. One of the scenarios Nina played was a 1920's prohibition America, which brought us to watching "Chicago", a musical I took my wife to see on Broadway a few summers ago. Vibrant and coherent, it led us to explore a theme of femme fatale, as well as dangers of ruthless desire for fame, both elegantly embraced by the character of Roxie Hart.  

The thrill of exploring various patches of culture alongside one's children feels next to none!

DO. I am fascinated by the pace of content generation in the last two decades. Use of technology and democratic access to media platforms enabled people to broadcast their thoughts and ideas. While one might argue the world needs better governance and moderation, and human brains are not ready to be absorb the ever-present stimulation, it is also giving people like me a better chance of reaching an audience that would otherwise be inaccessible.

I recently found a short story I wrote during pandemic lockdown, based on the very Role Playing Game we played with a couple of my friends. Since we have just continued with the same characters last weekend, I am tempted to use it as a trigger to continue... the weeks are very busy already though! The AI technology helped me create some images of places, characters and moods to illustrate the adventure and help with immersion, but I feel truly 'old school' about scripting. Well, the worst thing that can happen is meeting a few unseen variables, lively personas and altered versions of old legends... all in my imagination.

…unless you can be Batman

While in our home city of Łódź, Poland, my daughter and I went to explore The Centre for Graphic Novels and Interactive Narratives. A place where one can delve into the world of comic books and video games.

THINK. My earliest experience with comics dates back to 1980s. Even in these grim, grey years of communism, artists created a number of characters and series that endured up until this day. For a primary school boy like me, it was a vehicle to explore new form of telling stories. Masterfully crafted scenarios, fascinating brave new worlds, and compelling characters such as Thorgal or Tytus, Romek & A’Tomek. A transition from plain text to a narrative structure that integrated drawings, colors, composition of panels, dialogue and everything else unsaid, expressed by mood and pace of the story.  It was love at first sight.

In early 1990s, along with MTV, NBA games on the national TV, soap operas and chocolate that tasted so much better than its ‘cardboard’, chemical equivalent we used to get, came Marvel and DC superheroes. An uncompromised power of entertainment, it also showed me how mainstream messages can stimulate deeper thoughts. Emotional struggles, taking responsibilities for one’s actions, unfolding consequences of choices made or the eternal thin line between good and evil - all of it added depth and breadth to my discoveries.

The journey continues up until this day. I am exploring the nearly limitless spectrum of graphic novels. The underlying engine remains the same: write a script, draw, ink, possibly color, add dialogues - and that’s it. But the wealth of worlds my imagination can inhabit is overwhelming. Some of my favorite single issues include Joe O’Barr’s ‘The Crow’ or Masamune Shirow’s ‘Ghost in the Shell’, giving birth to culture phenomena, acclaimed movies and a fan movement. I dive deep into the ‘worlds that could be’: political and moral dilemmas of transhuman, cyberpunk future (‘Transmetropolitan’), a vision of New York City, a colossus I am drawn to, torn by civil war (‘DMZ’), dreams, nightmares and spiritual powers that reflect truths about human condition (‘Hellblazer’ and ‘Sandman’) or deconstructing what it even means to be a superhero (‘The Watchmen’).

Isn’t that wonderful that we can express our thoughts and emotions in so many diverse ways? Telling stories rocks!

FEEL. We thoroughly enjoyed the visit. As a matter of fact, 4 hours in, we were asked to leave as the Centre was already closing for the day! We came back the next morning to explore more.

The most rewarding part though was the connection with my daughter, Nina. Being a parent is core to who I am. Ever since she started to walk, talk and read, we have been going places together. Sometimes in person - movies, theatre shows, comic cons - and sometimes we simply travelled the imaginary worlds of Harry Potter, ‘The Avatar’ or the Hobbit. But as it seems, there is a time for the guide to step aside and just watch things unfold.

I am fascinated by Nina’s journey to becoming her own person. At the age of fourteen, she is hungry and free to explore the world she and her friends inhabit. Increasingly more digital, indeed, but still centered around stories, fascinations and expression of emotions. Everyone’s identity is forged over time, also by changing, and sometimes even denying, their family blueprints. The best thing a parent can do is to empower, build confidence, self-awareness, optimism and resilience. Start them on a lifelong learning path. Help them be curious and fearless. And fearlessness is not the absence of fear; it is recognizing the fear but taking action regardless.

I feel blessed to experience it. Just being close, watching and rooting for her.

DO. I have a busy day ahead of me. Reconnecting with my long-time friends in Poland, we decided to take a trip down memory lane so tonight, a role-playing game campaign awaits. Well, it would, as soon as I polish all the elements of the adventure. Preparing an outline of the scenario, inventing non-player characters, the setting, maps, artifacts, possible plot twists - it brings my imagination to work at high intensity. But there is only so much I can prepare and plan for - the rest is a real-time interaction,  creating the outcomes as we go, in a collective way. Everyone has a role to play - even if they don’t know it yet!

Changing routines, stepping away from the inertia of one’s weekly schedule, works miracles. As in sports training, improving performance often means changing exercise patterns. Be it flexing another muscle group, intensity change, or simply taking another route in one’s morning run, diversity stimulates growth. I witnessed myself making that mistake far too often in my years of long-distance running not to notice. This is also why I am pursuing ways for my days to take another route.

I am sitting in my study at home, looking at a poster wall with my dearest ‘imagination nutrients’ . One of these is a birthday present from my wife. ‘Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, Then, be Batman’. Well… so reminds me of one of the best days at my corporate job!

Where do I begin?

I am on this very journey seven years and counting. Arguably, most of my life ever since I started my journal as a teenager. A wannabe writer. A culture eater. A finance professional turned empathetic leader. An introvert trained to be extraverted. Obsessed with how words shape reality. Hungry to leave a legacy and make a positive impact to lives of others.

I believe in small, incremental progress. One step at a time. This journal started as a weekly email update to my team during a time of substantial business and organizational transformation. Technical, dry, overloaded with too many process descriptions and financial metrics. It felt awkward. It served its main purpose. But this was not a purpose I wanted.

It evolved into a platform to also include my reflections and anecdotes. Sneak-peek into my private side. An invitation to connect. An important moment of my week, when I slow down, reflect and explore. A ‘me’ time, but also a time of positive contribution to my readers. A joke, a photo, a story. Thoughts on the book I read. Emotions I felt and delved into in a given moment. Plans, activities, things I was setting in motion.

This is the format of this journal today. What I think about, feel and do.

Please join me on this journey. Who knows where is this path leading to?