Of baggage and courage
Are relationships hard work? When are family ties just an expression of positive bond and when they signal inescapable baggage?
Not such controversial statements once one really pauses to reflect on many fictional characters in literature and movies. Let alone looking into a non-fiction of our own lives…
THINK. Sally Rooney’s novels have always stunned me with how authentic the characters have been. From ‘Normal People’ through ‘Conversations with Friends’, everyone felt multi-dimensional, imperfect, driven by ghosts of the past and uncertainties of tomorrow. Utterly real. Humanly flawed and yet beautiful.
‘Intermezzo’ is no different. Complicated brotherly relations, parent bereavement, longing for connection expressed through frantic decisions, self-destructive behaviors and hesitation - expose oneself, speak the truth, ignore shame, or remain frozen in amber of past patterns and external expectations.
As I witness the struggles of both brothers, the lawyer and the chess-master, I am discovering the role of courage. It seems like one of the qualities I have not practiced enough. Courage unlocks opportunities to remain free of fear - of judgment, inaction, guilt. It helps live fuller lives. Carry less regrets.
Spoiler alert: how wonderful to finish with some silver lining!
‘Yellowstone’ series that I started binging over the holiday season speaks to another dimension of relationships - power. Montana-based cowboy ‘Succession’, it tells the story of a family of modern-day ranchers. The story of multi-generational trauma, strain and dog-eat-dog reality of livestock business. While we are faced with its economics and politics, the characters constantly balance on the verge of law and morality. It is fascinating how the audience is challenged to assess where the line has been drawn and would they still identify with main characters.
The most magnetic insights revolve around family relations. Like the boundary between good and evil, I continuously tested my understanding and tolerance levels. Would anything justify blind allegiance? Is following orders as accessory to a crime acceptable if the family best interest is at stake? Is breaking children - like wild colts - part of a parent prerogative, an undisputed entitlement? Finally, are people that mean, seriously?
As I am slowly exploring the story, part of me still believes there will be a silver lining after all.
FEEL. Our baggage got delayed on the flight back home. Not unusual given tight connection time, and not the first time either. It created a stinging sensation of lightness (we just left the airport with small backpacks) but also anxiety. What if the bag never shows up? Will we be able to re-create the contents?
Torn between that lightness and longing, we still felt relieved when the luggage arrived a day later. There was a pair of running shoes I knew I should probably retire already due to excessive mileage, yet it felt so familiar, so mine. It was hard to imagine not bringing them back.
With full conscience, the shoes are now in the bin. Sometimes giving up is more important than embracing novelty.
We all balance between the familiar and the new. It is the courage that makes us ignore initial cuts and bruises of exploring unchartered paths, while self-awareness lets us see the why and the trade offs. We often don’t choose the baggage we carry. But we can always re-pack.
DO. I am on a business flight already. After a well-earned, long passage of slow motion, I am heading into a well-known whirlwind of seemingly important matters. But mostly, I am energized to go back to work relationships with people I truly care about.
New Year is a decent pretext for building new habits. But it is not the habit itself that transforms what we think or how we feel. It is the meaning we pursue and consider worthwhile.
With that in mind, why is the new aspect of my meaning I will be discovering this week?
