When is good good enough?
A line in a deeply moving book I am reading right now caught my eye. 'Normality is conformity with dominant culture'. I gather that at some stage, in some dimension, we all must have felt a sting of judgement for staying outside the safe harbour of normality.
But what if we, individual human beings, self-establish a dominant culture of expectations towards our own selves? Are we bound by lines we drew, to the point of self-hatred for crossing them?
THINK. I am exploring the gap between good enough and… Well, how would we even describe it? Great? Perfect? Outstanding? I have recently been called ‚overachiever’ in most friendly, unbiased, benign way. In all honesty, I completely understand why. Walking the talk on that particular front is my challenge indeed.
It all starts with a permission to slow down. Part of the reason I am committed to writing these journals is to create space for self-reflection. Force a moment of stillness. Think before I start racing.
I race on many fronts. Imagine a wardrobe full of superhero costumes. I rush in, put one on, storm out, switch on the mission mode and complete objectives one by one. A cheerful sound my ‚to do’ app makes when I mark an item ‚done’ reminds me of the Pavlov’s dog. Positive reinforcement builds up and here I am, switching into a different costume and running out again.
Why is it so hard to let go? It must have lots to do with our identities. And fear. If I am not this superhero guy, then who am I?
FEEL. Intensity in the life of my family has sky rocketed lately. Unsurprisingly, we all feel quite tired. Tight schedules of the house move, long to-do lists, making plenty of decisions on the go. Even chasing Amazon vans heading to a wrong destination! What we need is stillness and relax. Can one really find it in the midst of the loudest holiday?
Well, yes.
There is a common misconception that feelings simply happen to us and remain beyond our control. Largely, it is true. Our triggers may reside deep in the past, hidden from all rationality. We exhibit cross-generational reactions. Overwhelmed by cultures we reside in, we sometimes fail to notice how to grab control.
To me, such moments happen when I no longer desperately try. On my office commute. Walking the dogs. Noticing something in my environment. Breathing slowly.
DO. Regrettably, ‚experiences over things’ is such a cliche expression already. But this is exactly what I am aiming for. The final week of the year will be filled with re-connections as we travel back to Poland to see friends and family. Such an indispensable part of an immigrant’s journey!
I was recently finishing some housework details, filling minuscule gaps and sealing off the flooring. Notably, there is a space in between our lives, past and now, a crack however small, but still present. We can leave this be, or we can use tools and materials to soften the edges and fill the gap. I remain conscious of it, but not obsessed by it. Home is wherever my favourite people are!
