The courage of presence
An eventful week makes me think about 42. This is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. I still have no clue why Supercomputer said that, but I am just powering through. Smile, tears, blessing and curse, all blended into one.
THINK. I sometimes get stage fright. Out of nowhere. After years of public speaking, it still happens. Feels like I cannot breathe. Chokingly, I push through, until it goes away. But is this a good strategy? Would it not be better to comprehend roots of one’s anxiety?
Very timely, I came across this interview. Even more timely, after 4 months of rehearsals, my daughter’s school musical has gone on stage. And I can’t help but think about presence.
On stage, in the office or in social situations, we all have some. It shapes how others perceive us, leads to real-life outcomes (or the lack of these), but most essentially, impacts our self-beliefs. Whether we like it or not, expression of body, the way we talk and project non-verbal signals, becomes the accelerator of our journey to life fulfilment. It could be that the ability to command situations and relationships through expressions of presence is the most important talent that nobody is realizing. And it is not innate. You just must discover your thing!
My daughter has found hers in dancing and singing. Front of stage, exhaling fully, wide eyed and present in every move, she clearly overcame her frights. Only she knows the emotional effort she had to make to emerge from a shyness to confidence - but the ‚charisma boost’ is clear not only to her loving parents. One more foundational strength in her arsenal!
FEEL. A cliche, page one of self-help book statement has us believing there is never too late to change, and that all that matters is what we decide to do today and tomorrow. Well, cliche or not, sounds compelling enough. Especially when I might need an extra layer of emotional armour soon.
A recent conversation with my wife made me reflect on courage and determination. Can one exist without the other? Can you be courageous on some fronts, and a coward on others? Is determination alone a recipe to grow courage through exposure and consistency? And how can we reinforce if through courageous behaviours? Have fear, but do things anyway, with fear?
We all need courage to stand up to an inner bully. A spot-on quote from Mark Twain, so neatly used by my colleague James Gibb, tells the entire story. ‚I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened’. I was struck by research claiming that close to half of our memories (or what we consider memories) aren’t even true!
Do a little test. Fast forward twenty years and recount your life. Would you really want to capture and relive all the suffering and stress? If not, create a simple cue in your head to switch on opposite behaviour every time you default to a negative memory. Hard, but totally possible!
DO. Keeping a promise I made to myself, I had two Days of Discovery. Immersed in a conference on bids and proposals management (#BPC.Dublin, #APMP), a professional area I am recently exploring, indeed I primed my mind to walk a very different path.
First of all, the humbleness of just sitting, listening, and receiving content helped me re-calibrate the role of learning. In a rush of a random day at work or with the families, it is hard to pause and reflect. A conference setting forces that pause.
Secondly, there is always a handful of new connections with inspiring people. In randomness on living on Earth with 8 billion human beings, I learnt to pay attention to the ones I am actually interacting with.
Finally, as my mind was wandering, empty as a whiteboard, I had a moment to reflect and refine my mission as Caring Geek. I help others shape the balance of thoughts, feelings and actions, in a way that enables positive outcomes.
It might be as simple as intellectual stimulation with the topics I am exploring. Encouragement to recognize and display feelings. Ideas and hints on interesting activities. I can feel it working. So, I will just keep going…
