The blur of focus
Alive. Back to routine (or nearly there).
THINK. Does it ever strike you how there is a constant self-talk going on in your mind? Thankfully, mentioning that one needs to deal with a voice inside one's head no longer carries a stigma and will not result in direct trip to a mental asylum. Well, at least this is what I want to believe in and am comfortable saying.
I noticed the voice vividly while doing a massive amount of physical work lately. Have you ever tried to think in full sentences? Are you able to keep the voice on a single track? Or is it constantly meandering, falling into loops, taking unexpected turns? What if this is an entry ticket to a real (self) discovery?
Another thing that I noticed while covered in paint head to toe was - a working expression - the blur of focus. As restless as I am, I frequently fill the void with exploration and busy-ness. I am finding podcasts a very compelling vehicle of such exploration and learning. It always starts the same, from a range of podcasters and topics I subscribe to, and equally always leads me to some new places.
But is there such thing as podcast overdose? An immersion so deep that everything becomes blurred? Well, this was my experience while putting hours on end into housework. What it did teach me is to take a moment of silence in between, reflect and memorize the most intriguing discoveries. Moderation, it seems, works everywhere. Digital indigestion is real.
Just in case, my flurry of exploration included: how sports gambling became a multi-billion dollar business, a mini-series on possible addiction in your pocket; bravery of pursuing acting dreams while staying very grounded in family life by an award winning actress Viola Davis; how family stories impact resilience and mental health; what does China economy in 1990s has to do with prices of Dublin real estate; and finally - how it is important to hold ideas loosely, and values tightly.
FEEL. Is there such thing as emotional chatter? One moment, I feel immensely proud. Soon after, completely exhausted. Invincible and vulnerable, all at once. Cloud nine of parenting and straight into worried sick about the children. Feeling accomplished yet reluctant to mention, thin line to bragging.
One thing is for sure - continued emotional and physical stress burns the ozone layer of my patience. Moderation is harder to achieve, views become clouded. The underlying reality is the same, but perception shifts. Be careful to rest after climbing this next summit.
DO. It is fascinating how there is some balance in life in the long run. I was somewhat puzzled how many of the previous journals were over-rotated on thinking and feeling, while the 'doing' part was mostly work routines, family routines and occasional leisure activity. Now I know! I just needed a project in the most tangible form of physical work.
On one evening, I froze and took this picture. On the outset, just a pile of wooden molding leftovers. What I saw though were also: a series of tries to finesse the product until it is meeting the original idea; inevitability of leftovers; respect to the craft of carpentry; and a closure after a day of hard work. A poetry of random objects and random moments.
Sometimes all it takes it to pause and observe.
